Day Four ... First thought of a relapse
Temporarily Stopped Using Nicotine Patches
The day started well but had the same toilet issue .... couldn't go. Anyhow, I started the rest of my day normally and decided to not use a patch today. I only wanted to see if I am by any chance getting dependent on the patch now or not.
So took a shower, cleaned up my house, and went out shopping with my wife. Now, this was the first time when I went out to a mall without a patch or anything. So the first thing I see is a man sitting outside the mall, smoking. I could relate to myself smoking outside while my wife is in the mall shopping. But as I saw a thick cloud of smoking coming out of that man's mouth, the only thought that came to my mind was that he is killing himself, he is consuming poison, and yet he isn't aware enough.
Feeling bad for him, and confident within, I entered the mall. Now the entire mall experience was so much different. The first thing as we entered Macy's that came right at me, was the smell. Smell of the shoe section, smell of new fabric, smell of perfumes, smell of people's deodorants / colognes / perfumes as they crossed me. It is funny but I felt like my dog who just points his nose in one direction and keeps sniffing for a long time before he points it to another direction. I could just smell so much, it was nice. A little too much to handle, as being exposed to so much smell for a long time would make your head hurt, but the last time I remember smelling these same exact smells was when I was a kid. So all these years I couldn't smell anything.
I went to the perfume section and looked at some colognes / after shaves as I thought I should try and start wearing something that I like. So even perfumes that I like, like Polo, Diesel, Curves, etc smelled differently. So as you can see I was "all over the pace with my nose guiding me".
Many times today I felt like smoking. This is because I was not on a patch. I felt like smoking, I felt like going out of the mall and asking someone for a smoke, like people used to ask me for cigarettes when I smoked. But these thoughts were easy to curb. Like if a small child tells you that he wants to go out and run on the road (with traffic on it), so you pick him up effortlessly stopping him from going anywhere.
All I had to tell myself whenever I felt like smoking was:
1. It's not me, it is the nicotine that is trying to pull me into it, and I won't let it.
2. I would think of the cancer videos I saw on this site. Specially the Lung Cancer Video and Throat Cancer Video. These videos reminded me of several things like:
a) Damage done by Smoking Cigarettes is not Reversible
b) I have promised myself to take care of my health. I am a man of words and if I can't stick to a promise that I have made to myself, how could anyone else have faith on me.
c) I am a strong man. I will not commit suicide. And smoking is consuming slow poison and is a suicide. How can I let that happen to me.
These thoughts did not come naturally, but I had to think about them. I think the reason why they didn't come naturally was because my mind was driven by nicotine withdrawal urge. This strong urge to smoke could be triggered by a lot of factors, including habitual smoking trigger since I always remember walking out of the mall to smoke, so my mind kept thinking that something is missing. Alternatively, just simple nicotine withdrawal could be the reason, Some people walking around smelled of cigarettes and I think it's too soon for me to start hating that smell, so maybe that smell attracted me as I have been smelling that on my for the past 10 years.
Whatever the reason was, doesn't matter anymore. I was able to control my self without any issues and had a great time. I slept early (actually I don't even remember when I fell asleep after I went to bed). I would consider this as a good sign as I didn't have to put in any efforts to put myself to sleep. However I woke up at 5AM (very unusual) and then couldn't sleep at all. I just stayed in my bed, checked my mail, rested, meditated, and tried to sleep more but all in vain. Got up at 7AM today and am feeling very low in energy. I have to go to the gym but to be honest, I don't feel like it. It feels like I don't have any energy. So I will eat something with high protein and then head to the Gym.
I will write more about whatever I experience today, later.
Till then, watch the videos, read the "How to Quit Smoking" section on this site to motivate yourself to quit smoking too. Quitting cigarettes will make you so proud of yourself you have no idea. It is worth every effort. Plus you smell better, you feel better, you breathe, smell, see, hear and relax better. Like I said earlier, if I can quit smoking, anyone can.
Scary Scary Feeling - Low Blood Pressure and Low Heart Rate on Day 5. Check it out
Total Money Saved since Quit Date: $45.00